If you grew up with a little (okay, a lot) of hair on your arms like I did, you probably experienced some bullying, self-consciousness, and a lot of finding out how to deal with it. Being a hairy woman has its drawbacks, but hey, at least we’re not alone, right? Our cleaner, less hirsute equivalents would never grasp these things.
1. Approximately an hour after shaving, you develop stubble.
And you probably spend 45 minutes of that hour stroking your legs, knowing that smooth feeling will soon be gone.
2. When shaving, you must literally rinse after every stroke.
It’s no surprise that shaving takes so long; you have to pause every three seconds.
3. At least one kid called you a “gorilla” when you were a kid.
Timothy R., that was very creative of you, but Stephanie K. beat you to it.
4. You feel judged every time you get a pedicure because of your fuzzy toes.
It’s come to the point that you almost want to shave your toes ahead of time.
5. You’ve tried so many different hair removal techniques that you can rank them.
Since you’ve tried them all, your friends ask you for recommendations on where to try next.
6. A few (okay, five) really thick hairs start growing out of your chin every week or so.
Despite your fears that somebody will spot them, you can’t help but brush them before you have a chance to pluck them out.
7. If you wear flip flops, you’re referred to as a Hobbit. Get it?
Hyuck hyuck. And you have hairy toes. Hyuck hyuck (It’s a pain.)
8. Everybody thinks you’re making a statement if you don’t shave.
I’m sorry, but I’m just plain lazy. Isn’t it possible for me to just throw away my razor because I’m sick of having razor bumps all over my body?
9. The shadow from 5 p.m. appears all over the room. Legs, underarms, arms, and the bikini line — the list goes on and on.
10. You’re still extra cautious when putting on bracelets.
You do know how painful it is to have your arm hair pulled out by a watch or bracelet clasp.
11. You’ve plucked a couple of nipple hairs.
Or perhaps more. That’s why the vanity includes “body tweezers” and “face tweezers.”
12. You stop going out in public for hours after waxing your moustache.
After all, having a red upper lip is pretty much a dead giveaway that you had your hairs above your lip cut off.
13. You should get a haircut about once a month.
Okay, this one isn’t so bad; at the very least, your hair grows rapidly and (probably) thickly, so you’ve got that going for you.
14. You can’t go more than a day without shaving your underarms until you get itchy.
Every shirt you wear now looks as though it’s scratching you from the inside.
15. Your friends try to persuade you that shaving is the cause of your hairiness.
“However, if you shave it, it will regrow twice as thick!” They explain, oblivious to the fact that whatever you do (or don’t do) to your body hair, it can regrow four times as thick as someone else’s.
16. You sometimes notice a ludicrously long hair on your thighs.
You’re just running your hand up your legs when you realize you’ve skipped one particular hair that’s been growing freely… and is now three inches long.
17. When your mates compare themselves to you, they still think they’re hairy.
They declare angrily, “I’m the hairiest person ever,” before you show them your arms and they close their mouths.
18. You guzzle shaving cream like it’s no big deal.
Hair conditioner, hand soap, body lotion, mascara… all run out quicker than this.
19. You have a clogged drain all of the time. Continually.
Every time you shower, you seem to lose about an entire wig of human hair, no matter what you do.
20. Your aesthetician has been a close friend of yours.
She’s met, well, everyone.
21. You’re surprised to learn that certain people can “dry shave.”
If you tried it, the razor burn will be enough to send you to the hospital.
22. You can’t stop rolling your eyes if a friend boasts about being hairless.
You don’t even need to shave, we understand. Shhh